Ah...New Year's Eve...the dilemma of what to do...December 31st...tricky little devil...especially in London...

You could stay in and watch 'I'm An Idiot, So Stick Me In a Vat Of Live Prawns For Cash'.

Or how about swapping channels for 'X Tractor' (the very best in balladeering from UK dairy farmers while they extract the very best cream from their milky pumps)? Presented by Simon COWell...

Or you could pop your clogs on and venture outside...onto the train / tube / bus / donkey... to one of our great New Year's Eve gatherings...It's not all £10 pints and £20 cloakroom charges y'know... bung on your bottle-bottoms and read on...

Let's talk 'FREE' first - the very lovely Big Chill Bar, just off Brick Lane, is hosting a free NYE celebration with their Disco Shed NYE 2009 event. Gratis. Nuffink. ****-all. Yay! Mark E, Wrongtom and DJ Barrydark will deliver the tunes and there is a voddy promotion as well. Please note - Allgigs cannot be held responsible for you turning into a total 'bibble' during our suggested NYE parties. Remember - You Tube does well out of embarrassment...

Next up, the Hoxton Pony have a burning question to ask - 'Who can save the dancefloor?'. Why, Barbarella, Queen Of The Discotheque of course! Yes, the entire venue will be dolled up in disco-glitter splendour, science-fiction-style. Not sure if the tricky space-vixen will be shedding her clothing as in the film but, rest assured, it will be a star-studded event. Bodyrox (productive electronic Novello-botherers) and Bryan Chambers (live PA from the man who has recorded as Reel II Reel with Eric Morillo and worked with PSBs, Beverley Knight and Layo & Bushwacka). Tickets are £35.

Sadly, we have to say goodbye to 'Gettin' Hectic' who, for the past 15 years, have been providing the very tastiest 'Mash-ups' featuring disco-classics and rock. Naturally they will want to throw a good old mashin' bash with which to remember them by. The theme for NYE will be Heaven and Hell with Disco Heaven to suit the white-wearing clubbers and Rock Hell for those bad-asses wearing red. Food stalls and an absinth fountain (oh sh**!) are also part of the entertainment at the Vibe Bar, Truman's Brewery just off Brick Lane. £25 to get in. Did I also mention disco-performance artist, Donald Summer doing a turn. Woohoo - I just did!

There are, in fact, several other great NYE nights going on in the capital - here are the best of the rest of the big boys (and girls).

The big two this year have already been touched on by your favourite site - Ministry Of Sound NYE at the O2 Arena featuring Calvin Harris, Deadmau5, Justice and Plump DJs, with a special appearance by Eric Prydz will set you back £75 (or £50 for seats - eh? Sitting?), while the Get Loaded in the Dark 2009 shindig at the Brixton Academy gathers together Annie Mac, Chase and Status, Herve, Simian Mobile Disco and Sub Focus for a good old £30 breakbeat-flavoured admittance fee.

Other notable excuses for messiness include:

The NYE Burlesque Bell @ Bush Hall (oh how apt that might turn out to be) [saucy! - Ed]. Miss Beeby Rose, Venus Noir, Ginger Blush and a whole host of cheeky burlesque beauties will perform to vintage music 'designed to arouse the savage beast'. Indeed. £34.50.

The Good Times Sound System @ Hearn St Car Park, Shoreditch. Norman Jay MBE and special guests, brings that Notting Hill vibe to East London and does it all over again at one of THE hot events of the end of the year. £20.

The Future Frantic NYE 2009/ 2010 @ Hidden, Tinworth St. Twelve DJs, four arenas and as much pummelling hard-dance filth than you can shake a glow-stick at. £12.

And finally, if you fancy a bit of hogmanay in London, why not make Shoreditch Town Hall your destination? Proper Scottish ceilidh and disco classics from the 70s, 80s and 90s, will form part of The Big Ceilidh, an ongoing series of crazy dancing nights to be held at a couple of selected venues in London. This is the first of many and for £42 you get two Ceilidh bands in separate rooms, plus the Ultimate Divas giving you the very best in soul and R'nB covers and classics.

Honourable mentions

The Gallery takeover the Ministry of Sound for their New Year's Eve Spectacular, Trevor Nelson's New Year's Eve party at the Guidhall Vaults, Hed Kandi's Glitterball NYE at the IndigO2, Cocoon at Matter, featuring German DJ Sven Väth, Moondance @ SeOne (yes - a big NYE event "south of the river" - woohoo!).

And finally...

Whatever you do this New Year's Eve, make it a safe and responsible one. We don't want to see you on the next series of 'Police Camera Naked Celebratory Indiscretion Cops' now, do we? Check the NYE events below - and the various NYE-flavoured Buttons, below.